Giving 100 percent!?!?!?

As some may know I do music. Rap mostly, but music nonetheless. I'm always looking for feedback even though I'm not fully pursuing a career in music just yet, I still like for people to critique my work because practice makes perfect. Any who, one person who decided to give me feedback that was unusual in that it gave me a confidence booster and at the same time gave me the feeling that i needed to work harder. Sometimes others have to encourage you to try harder when self motivation isnt enough. This person told me that my music was good but at the same time he could sense that i wasn't trying hard enough in my songs and that he would love to hear me giving it 100 percent on a song. The fact that he said he could tell i wasn't giving 100 percent was shocker for many reasons. Mainly because i didn't the average listener could tell (although after talking to him for a min he might be the average listener) and two because i knew i wasnt trying my hardest but figured since no one knew then it didnt matter. I'm going to be very honest with everyone who reads this, I don't think i can remember a time were I have given a true 100 percent to one thing for a extended period of time. I have been blessed and fortunate enough to have gotten farther than expected of my natural or God-given abilities in all areas that i try. That goes for music, the times i played sports, video games, school especially, and my attempts to find work. In fact the majority of the time i do things im just going through the motions after i figured some sort of strategy that i feel works out for me with a small amount of effort, but i think that era of my life is about to be completely over. It is thanks to this person who i guess i can call him a fan since he said he liked my music and asked if he could get some songs emailed to him to put in his Ipod for personal usage that I feel that every area of my interest and work related endeavors alike will receive the most effort from me that i can gather at those given times. I gave this idea great thought and came to the conclusion that if I truly want to be successful it is imperative that I make this change. I'm praying that I can maintain this level of intensity for as long the Lord sees fit. In all honesty I know that few people have stumbled upon this blog on purpose but its cool, eventually it will be on purpose and hopefully it will inspire just like that person's words inspired me and how i hope my music inspires people.

Why I Rap?

Ever since I decided to start rapping I get the same question, Why? At first I took offense to this question, in my head I was like "why i gotta have a reason to rap?" "don't nobody ask why you wanna be a nurse or lawyer or truck driver." Looking back i shouldn't have gotten upset in the least bit, because wanting a career in entertainment isnt like any other career. The funny thing is that originally i did this for fun and it just evolved into a desire to have a career in this. So on to the big question, Why do I rap? The answer is a compound one. I rap to relieve the different emotions that feel my heart. I rap to give a voice to the millions of people who go through life thinking, acting, and feeling like me everyday. I do it because music has always had a special place in my life. I hear music all day everyday, even as i type this im listening to music. As of this moment my music is only heard by few people but some of them have actually asked for a CD which i gave to them for free. I get responses like its a different vibe, or the fact that they feel the sincerity in my music which is a confidence booster. In the coming weeks i hope to finish the mixtape (no name yet) and begin giving them away at school and other places for promotion, but i get the feeling im gonna surprise a few doubters ( yes i have doubters) in a good way so we will see.

P.S. gotta a preview of some new stuff

The relationship He is not in

In my life I've moved around enough to tell myself that people come into your life and people leave just as fast. I especially used this mindset when it came to relationships so when it ended (almost all of them were not on my terms but i was cool with it) I didn't feel too bad about it. This all backfired when I met this particular young lady. It was different from day one. Usually when I got into a relationship it was from some odd set of circumstances and then BAM!!!! I'm dating someone, but this was different. I was told by someone that she wanted to talk to me so i went up to her and got her number and called that night. The girl was beautiful but for some reason people told her she wasn't, she was weird like me so together we just worked great. The relationship was awesome but then somethings happened that caused me to make one of the worse decisions of my life. First, she said she loved me, which on her part wasnt a bad thing, and i loved her too but was totally unprepared to handle those types being a young and dumb black male. another thing was i realized i was gonna leave to go to school after i graduated which posed a rather tough question. Long distance relationship or not? Some of you who may read this may say its a "no brainer" if you are in love but understand this was my first real love and i was very used to people or myself leaving at a moments notice and never seeing them again. My grandmother died, and although we werent as close as we should have been she was my grandmother. Then to top it all off my house ended up getting burned to the ground from being struck by lightning. So me being the "genius" just felt like the only necessary thing to do was to try and cut all ties with my "home" and forget all the bad things that had happened. a horrible thing to do because at the same time I got broke up with the one person who understood me, loved everything about me, and genuinely wanted to make me happy. After a year or so I got the courage to speak to her again and of course she had found someone else, but i took it as a opportunity to be a real friend because I did want her to be happy. Well the new guy didnt work out and i thought this was my chance to make it right and pick up where we left off. Thats what I thought, but when i asked her for a second chance i got a talk about how she still loved me but she needed to work on herself before she got back into relationship. I can totally respect this. The hard part is sometimes I feel like I do the work of a boyfriend without any of the benefits (and by benefits I dont mean sex, thats not my focus in the least bit). I feel like im not just a friend but im in the friend zone, and thats not cool at all. To make things worse something happened between her and the last guy where she won't open up to me. She will get to a certain point and say that doesnt want to talk about anymore so then im just stuck with my mouth open. So the last week or so I have been trying to stop stressing over it and let whatever is going to happen take place and not force a reaction because it might not be the one i want to happen.

getting in shape

When i was young i was very sickly as a child which made me very skinny. my brothers made jokes that were all in good fun but we all are self conscious in some form or fashion so those jokes hurt nonetheless. as i got older i started getting bigger. at first i was solid, then husky, then chubby, and before i knew people were making fat jokes about me. It really didnt phase me until i was in middle school when a girl who i didnt even like said she thought i was cute but just a lil too big, it didnt help that i was short either but thats another story for another post. I worked out for a while but didnt see any progress for about a year or so so i quit. I always tried to laugh the jokes off but after a while it makes a person not want to exist, but i wasnt the enotional type. When i got to high school i worked out with th football team for 2 years and played a third but never quite got in shape. now im in my final year of college and have decided to cut back on as much bad food as possible and have been working out in the morning and night atleast 3 times a week,plus im taking 2 physical fitness classes this semester. Im going to be as optimistic as possible so hopefully this will be the year I get in shape.

Don't Call it a comeback!!!!

I consider myself an outsider for many different reasons. Although if you were to ask most of my friends they would tell you otherwise. While neither of us are technically wrong I feel that it shows how I feel and what people see are different at times. Most people who may come in contact with me don't meet the "real", or whole, me. Instead they meet my "business" persona to save face. Any who I have been using my summer to prepare for the fall unlike my peers (that's another story). Gonna try to surprise someone close to me very soon, and hopefully get a mixtape (I use that term loosely) done before i return to school this August. I have been dealing with a slew of emotional incidents, some caused by and some not, over the past couple months but the good thing is that emotions inspire me to write better (in my opinion), especially extreme ones. Education is still my major focus but after this year i will have a degree and will be able to devote my energies completely to music. I also had a major breakthrough in my relationship (or lack there of) struggles. Like i said this year is going to be a good year. please stay tuned

Until Next time

I am going on hiatus to reposition certain aspects of my goals. So until next time people; Stay focused, laugh a little, and enjoy it while its here.

Back to business!!!!!!!

I know that, especially around this, people talk about this being their year and getting their life together. Well save for a few details my life is going well this year, but I really do feel like this is gonna be a big year. Last year went pretty well, the latter part anyway, so i feel like that as long as I stay focused i should be able to do some amazing things as far as these projects go. If you were wondering what these projects were check the previous post. In addition to that we have a movie script in the works along with a book and potentially a comic/cartoon. Also its looks like it will be a good year for music which works out for me 2 ways. Any who many blessings and be safe.

Doc-D (don't forget the hyphen pls)

The New Year

I know its late but Happy New Year. I got some resolutions just like the rest of you but no need to share them now and jinx them. Anywho check out the links and tell me what you think. Never mind how last year went its a new year which anything is possible.
my music
http://www.youtube.com/unusablesignal97

1st post: The Start!?!?!?

Well i just "finished" creating my blog. read the title and description and within the next few days we will see where this thing takes us (me).