In my life I've moved around enough to tell myself that people come into your life and people leave just as fast. I especially used this mindset when it came to relationships so when it ended (almost all of them were not on my terms but i was cool with it) I didn't feel too bad about it. This all backfired when I met this particular young lady. It was different from day one. Usually when I got into a relationship it was from some odd set of circumstances and then BAM!!!! I'm dating someone, but this was different. I was told by someone that she wanted to talk to me so i went up to her and got her number and called that night. The girl was beautiful but for some reason people told her she wasn't, she was weird like me so together we just worked great. The relationship was awesome but then somethings happened that caused me to make one of the worse decisions of my life. First, she said she loved me, which on her part wasnt a bad thing, and i loved her too but was totally unprepared to handle those types being a young and dumb black male. another thing was i realized i was gonna leave to go to school after i graduated which posed a rather tough question. Long distance relationship or not? Some of you who may read this may say its a "no brainer" if you are in love but understand this was my first real love and i was very used to people or myself leaving at a moments notice and never seeing them again. My grandmother died, and although we werent as close as we should have been she was my grandmother. Then to top it all off my house ended up getting burned to the ground from being struck by lightning. So me being the "genius" just felt like the only necessary thing to do was to try and cut all ties with my "home" and forget all the bad things that had happened. a horrible thing to do because at the same time I got broke up with the one person who understood me, loved everything about me, and genuinely wanted to make me happy. After a year or so I got the courage to speak to her again and of course she had found someone else, but i took it as a opportunity to be a real friend because I did want her to be happy. Well the new guy didnt work out and i thought this was my chance to make it right and pick up where we left off. Thats what I thought, but when i asked her for a second chance i got a talk about how she still loved me but she needed to work on herself before she got back into relationship. I can totally respect this. The hard part is sometimes I feel like I do the work of a boyfriend without any of the benefits (and by benefits I dont mean sex, thats not my focus in the least bit). I feel like im not just a friend but im in the friend zone, and thats not cool at all. To make things worse something happened between her and the last guy where she won't open up to me. She will get to a certain point and say that doesnt want to talk about anymore so then im just stuck with my mouth open. So the last week or so I have been trying to stop stressing over it and let whatever is going to happen take place and not force a reaction because it might not be the one i want to happen.
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